I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
