Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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