So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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