Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
