im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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