i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
