I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
