when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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