I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
