She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
