Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
