I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
