dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
