nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
