Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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