My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
