Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
