I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i have two assholes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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