Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
