so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
