we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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