What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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