He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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