Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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