Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
