How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I believe in your delicious
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
