shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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