it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
