drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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