Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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