somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
