Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
