I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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