Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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