your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
