my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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