Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
