did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i already hear my dad disowning me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
