I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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