Jerry, you need to find god
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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