you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
