I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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