Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
