just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
