there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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