you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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