Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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