well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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