Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
