she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
