I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
