I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
