we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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