Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
