so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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