so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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