so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
