remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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