Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
