I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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