I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
