i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
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They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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