Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
