can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is the high leading the old right now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
