our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
