I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
