Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
