My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I look better un-naked...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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