I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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