the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Randomize
