I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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