I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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