Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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