you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
