I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
